The Regular Season Finale

By Matt Boffo

There was no shortage of action and a healthy dose of competitive hoops in the Ellwood City Adult Basketball League’s regular season finale Sunday at the Family Center.  Channeling their inner Macho Man, Big Fun had their elbows ready for their long awaited rematch against Turncoats. The defending league champions had Sunday on their calendars circled since March 5th when Turncoats handed them their first loss. Turncoats moseyed on into the Family Center with an outstanding league best 16-1 record.  The rematch was set. Tensions were high. The drama was thick. Big Fun yearned like Cosmo Kramer for the season split. Turncoats had their brooms on standby ready for the season sweep. All eyes were on the top 2 seeds. Just who would blink first?

The contest saw a lot of moving and grooving as both teams looked to out duel the other. In a game that felt like the playoffs came a week early, it was Big Fun who picked up the win. Helping seal the deal by going 3-4 late at the line was Matt “Nish Burger” Kish. Making a living this season by battling like B Rabbit in the paint, Kish has no fear when it comes to cleanup on isle 3.

Like they plan on doing in the 3 Point Contest, Kevin “Splash Johnson” Ricciuti and Adam “Threesus” Gorgas were serving up the Charlie Murphy special hitting some big shots. Big Fun finishes their campaign at 14-4. Hats off to Turncoats for their league best 16-2 regular season record.  Chase “Papa Dock” McKim and The Turncoats Terror Squad are tuned up and ready to do the Texas Two-Step with the winner of the TTT/Up In The Air playoff game.  TTT’s Dylan “3’s Company” Plassmeyer plans on letting the 3 ball fly in the post season.

Nobody showed more heart this season than the Ellwood City Living Legend Dave “The Original OG (re)” McQuistion. Hustling and grinding the entire season, McQuistion is the first player in the history of the Ellwood City Adult Basketball League to get his own rule: The Ogre Rule. Stating he can play for any team on any given Sunday except for the number 1 seed, The Ogre Rule is designed for McQuistion to leave it all on the court like he has done for years and years. Al Campman clearly taught Ogre well. McQuistion, Captain Dave O and the entire Herbie V gang are ready for their playoff showdown with Blazers. Speaking of Blazers, check out Goat on Mount Rushmore.

Which version of Mount Rushmore do you prefer? Next time around, the League MVP will be announced during the first round of the playoffs. Stay tuned! Until then, too sweet your neighbor and enjoy the fresh air.



  1. Turncoats 16-2, 640
  2. Big Fun 14-4, 562
  3. Hog Balls 13-5, 545
  4. Blazers 12-6, 606
  5. Herbie V 10-7, 433
  6. Monstars 8-10, 524
  7. BDI 7-11, 314
  8. TTT 6-12, 444
  9. Up In The Air 2-16, 426
  10. Double Dribble 2-16, 283

Playoffs Round 1, May 21st

4pm: Big Fun vs. BDI

4:30pm: Hog Balls vs. Monstars

5pm: TTT vs. Up In The Air

5:30pm: Blazers vs. Herbie V

6pm: Turncoats vs. The winner of TTT/Up In The Air

Playoffs/Finals, June 4th

4pm:1st Semi Final game

4:30pm: 2nd Semi Final game

5pm: 3 Point Contest

6pm: Championship Game

Confirmed 3 Point Contest Shooters:

Big Fun: Kevin Ricciuti and Adam Gorgas
Turncoats: Chase McKim and Chris Smiley
Herbie V: Dave McQuistion
Up In The Air: Matt Reider and Matt Benson
TTT: Dylan Plassmeyer and Magic
Monstars: Sean Swisher
Hog Balls: Nick Sager and DJ Barrett
BDI: BJ Guy and Paul Fisher
Blazers: TBD
Double Dribble: BJ Neghiu

The 3 Point Contest winner gets:

An authentic NBA Basketball

A gift bucket from the Car Wash of Ellwood City

A $25 gift card to Dick’s Sporting Goods

A $25 gift card to Vinny’s

A $25 gift card to Johnny’s Pizza

A $40 gift card to Venezie Sporting Goods

A $25 gift card to Domino’s 


April 23 Write Up

With the Ellwood City Adult Basketball League’s regular season winding down, quite a bit was on the line Sunday at the Family Center.

To start, the highly coveted first round playoff bye was still up for grabs. Turncoats, owners of first place, looked to continue their residency of the top seed. The Blazers floated into the Family Center with a momentous six-game winning streak looking to chip away at Turncoats’ lead in the standings.  In an entertaining bout, it was Turncoats walking away as the victors, improving to a league best 13-1 in the process.  After scoring 16 points, Chris “The Bearded Dragon” Smiley, surely gained some league MVP consideration.

Herbie V went 1-1 on the evening to stay in the hunt.  Shortly after making a proclamation that he is winning the annual 3-Point Contest, Dave “The Iron Man” McQuistion helped the boys in gray with his tireless play. Herbie V like their chances, especially after putting up 51 in a win over Monstars. Team Captain Dave Oliastro had a strong outing while playing with that crazed look in his eye.

Paging Jeff Nero.

Hog Balls strolled into the Main Event of the evening against Big Fun with a 4 game winning streak looking ready to shake, rattle and roll.  With a stellar roster including the likes of Ryan “I am the Ryan in Eric Ryan” Venezie, Brandon “Big Boss Man” Otlowski and The Barrett Barrage, Hog Balls are dangerous when draped in red. It was Corey “Fire” Eggleston, however, who stole the show. Much like the Chili Peppers and the restaurant, Eggleston was red hot while hitting shots with ease. Hog Balls are certainly turning heads while they are gunning for the championship.

Mayor Tony Court was even in the house, donning the zebra shirt while officiating the night’s action.  It’s a fight to the finish in the Ellwood City Adult Basketball League with just 2 weeks in the regular season left.  Playoffs get under way May 14th, with the 3 Point Contest and championship game May 21st.

Confirmed 3 Point Contest shooters:
Big Fun: Kevin Ricciuti and Adam Gorgas
Turncoats: Chase McKim and Chris Smiley
Herbie V: Dave McQuistion
Up In The Air: Matt Reider
TTT: Dylan Plassmeyer
Monstars: Sean Swisher
Hog Balls: TBD
Blazers: TBD

Remaining regular season schedule:

4pm: Turncoats vs. BDI
430pm: Blazers vs. TTT
5pm: Monstars vs. Big Fun
530pm: Hog Balls vs. Up In The Air
6pm: Herbie V vs. BDI
630pm: Turncoats vs. TTT
7pm: Blazers vs. Hog Balls

4pm: Turncoats vs. Herbie V
430pm: BDI vs. Monstars
5pm: Up In The Air vs. Blazers
530pm: Big Fun vs. Turncoats
6pm: TTT vs. Herbie V
630pm: Blazers vs. BDI

March 26 Write Up

One of the best ballers to ever come out of the Beaver County Hustlers Association, Allen “Walking Double Double” Deep, laced ’em up for the first time in the Ellwood City Basketball League Sunday at the Family Center. After weeks of rumors running rampant, Monstars Team Captain Sean Swisher claims arguably the hottest free agent on the market. Deep looks to help Monstars as they start jockeying for playoff positioning. It did not take long for his impact to be felt. Having flashbacks of IUP and YSU, Deep did not need primer or paint as there were no signs of rust. Pouring in 23 points on the evening, Deep looked grand in green.

Cody “To The Max” Mittica and Super Swish had great games as well with buckets for days.  After the game, Monstars team member Jason Balla stated “this was a statement game!” It’s hard to argue with him as the Monstars put up an Ellwood City Basketball League season high 57 points in their victory over Up In The Air. It’s only fitting Monstars sport the Riverside green.

Turncoats were back at it again notching another 2 victories on the evening, knocking off TTT and Hog Balls in a tight one. Nick “Slick Nick Ready to Set a Pick” Nardone, Chris Smiley and Jon Atkinson all continue to show why their names will be in the conversation for the League MVP Award with their skills to pay the bills skill set. Damien “New Kid On The Block” Lutz and Donnie “Not as New Kid On The Block” Lutz; one of the league’s father/son duos, showed the depth of Turncoats bench with their strong outings. A force to be reckoned with, Turncoats now sit at a perfect 10-0. Tye Dillinger approves. The question on many minds is can Turncoats run the table? Team Captain Pat O’Brien has dreams of 18-0.

Paging Dev Taylor.

Big Fun clashed with Double Dribble which saw an interesting individual matchup of Big Fun’s Downtown Davey Moore vs. Double Dribble’s Mikey “CEO of Moore Manor” Moore, where the elder Moore put his CEO title on the line! This was not a Civil War between the brothers, but certainly a war of attrition.  When the dust settled, it was the younger member of the Moore clan who helped propel Big Fun to a win.  Effective immediately, Downtown Davey has been sworn in as CEO of Moore Manor. Drop off your applications at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Big Fun was also victorious over Herbie V to improve to 9-1. Tyler “Help” Powell was inactive as he was busy auditioning for the role of Mouth in the modern day remake of The Goonies.

A big ol’ shout out goes to Leaps & Bounds Gymnastics Company for their generous donation to the league! Only five weeks remain in the Ellwood City Basketball League’s regular season before the playoffs get under way. Playoffs?!

League notes: There will be no games on Sunday April 16th due to the Easter Holiday.  The number 1 and 2 seeds will earn a first round bye in the playoffs. League MVP votes will be submitted by each of the 10 team captains after the regular season. Each captain can submit two different votes and neither vote can be one of their own team members. The MVP will be announced during the first week of the playoffs.  The annual 3 point contest will take place during the first week of the playoffs.  The prize list; so far, for the 3 point contest winner is:

An authentic NBA Basketball

A gift bucket from the Car Wash of Ellwood City

A $25 gift card to Dick’s Sporting Goods

A $25 gift card to Vinny’s

A $25 gift card to Johnny’s Pizza

A $40 gift card to Venezie Sporting Goods

A $25 gift card to Domino’s

A $25 gift card to Christy’s

And a few surprises

3/19/17 Results

In a highly anticipated showdown, Turncoats and BDI squared off Sunday night at the Family Center with Turncoats unbeaten record on the line.  It was more of the same from Turncoats with silky smooth shooting, ball movement and pancakes being served afterwards. Helping lead the Turncoats to victory, CJ “Doesn’t Need Dave Chappelle for a Block Party’” Lewis had himself a game. It didn’t need to be Friday for Lewis to hit the freaky fade away and look good in doing so.  After the game, Turncoats Team Captain Pat O’Brizzle had the following to say regarding his henchmen’s efforts: “We looked like a well-oiled unit out there. Would you like syrup with that?”  The Turncoats remain the lone undefeated team in the Ellwood City Basketball League.  

BDI still remain a strong threat to the entire league with a roster that’s ready to rock and roll which includes the likes of Chris “412 Colony Apartments” Ferruchie, Paul “The Man with the Plan” Fisher and Bryan “Flying Under the Radar Until You Least Expect it” Guy. Sitting in the middle of the heard at 4-4, BDI look towards next week as they will take on Herbie V and TTT.

In the Battle of the Bulge, TTT Team Captain Pete “Long Arms of the Law” Hoffman helped lead his troops to a victory over the Matt “Webmaster” Reider led Up In The Air squad.  Hoffman looked muscular in victory, but it was Dylan “Pickle” Pishioneri who stole the show as he was on fire from the land of 3.  Knocking down 3 after 3, the Ellwood City Basketball League Committee nearly had to use a fire extinguisher on Pickle.  With Pickle proving to be a reliable weapon, the sky is the limit for TTT.

Paging Mike Lucarelli

In a rematch of the league championship game from a season ago, Big Fun and Monstars locked horns in a game that was sure to spark some water cooler talk.  Jason “4th Street All Day” Balla, Trey “Coast to Coast” Johnson, Mike “Clangin‘ & Bangin‘ ” Trocci and the rest of the Monstars gang looked ready to hoop come game time.  After a round of too sweets and hearing the wolves howl, Big Fun took the court looking like they were men on a mission. The contest was close throughout the game, but Big Fun pulled away late for the win and improved to 7-1. A strong possibility exists that the entire Monstars roster was pulling for Houston in the first round of the NIT Tournament.

 The Blazers had themselves a strong offensive showing putting up 40 points against TTT.  Team Captain Tyler Relic and his boys have no fear when it comes to letting the 3 ball fly.  Joe DeNardo would be proud of the Blazers as they were causing precipitation all night long.  Josh “Slimi Hendrix” McCormick and Jordan “Lights Out and Lethal” Shropshire led the way from downtown throughout the game.  A difficult decision for Relic will be who to choose as his 2 shooters in the annual 3 Point Contest which takes place May 14th. The Blazers have a huge showdown next week with Hog Balls. 

Herbie V went 2-0 on the night with victories over Monstars and Double Dribble. Now sitting at 5-3, Herbie V look to start stacking dubs.  Team Captain Dave “Bankroll” Oliastro had this to say about his team’s play: “We moved the ball pretty efficiently tonight. Feeding Ogre early and often set the tone for us. We did the little things well tonight. Overall, a great effort.”  Nick “Feeling Frisky From 3” Frisk had some big 3’s to help lock up the victories for Herbie V.

The competition is heating up in the Ellwood City Basketball League. Who knows what’s going to happen in the second half of the season.  Time will tell, stay tuned! Until then, too sweet your neighbor and enjoy the fresh air.

Ellwood City Basketball League Results for 3/12

Defending his team’s unbeaten record, Team Captain Pat “Trying Out for the Detroit Lions” O’Brien and his Turncoats were in action Sunday night at the Family Center. Seven days after officially transitioning from the hunter to the hunted in the Ellwood City Basketball League, O’Brien once again had his troops poised for battle. Their opponents; The Blazers, led by Team Captain Tyler “Ready to Roll” Relic and composed of Shenango and New Castle’s finest, put up a valiant effort. Ultimately, however, it was the now 7-0 Turncoats emerging victorious. Nabbing the victory behind solid play from Chase “Mac Daddy” McKim, Jon “Better Shooter than Wilkes Booth” Atkinson and Chris “My Beard is Better Than Yours. Period.” Smiley, the Turncoats now sit firmly atop the league mountain. Mac Daddy was 7 for 10 from the line in the second half to help seal the deal.

Prince certainly was not needed to tell anyone from Turncoats to shoot the J as they put up an evening high 36 points. The boys in orange also picked up a victory over Up in the Air. Rumors have been swirling around town that Vinny’s Restaurant & Pizzeria is offering a large pie and a round of shots for the first team to knock off the Turncoats. Fireball anybody?

Elsewhere in league play, Team Captain RJ “Dream” Guy led his BDI squad to a 1-1 record on the night. Now sitting at the number 5 seed, BDI look to rattle off a few wins and climb the ranks in the Ellwood City Basketball League. Ryan “I Should be Working NXT Matches” Tammaro and Bobby “Feeling Like Nowitzki” Kettler look to be quite the BDI tandem with smooth shooting and solid defense. Fellow BDI team member Bryan Guy was inactive as he was busy recording his R&B debut LP ‘Ellwood City At Night Under The Stars’ featuring the hit single ‘Let Me Show You Heaven In The One Six One One Seven’

The Sean “Super Swish” Swisher led Monstars finished the night at 2-0 with wins over Double Dribble and Up in the Air, improving to 3-4 on the season. Chatter continues to grow regarding the Monstars making an attempt to secure a signed contract from free agent Allen Deep. After seeing Deep on ESPN Saturday night with a clip board in hand, his league status remains a mystery.

Channeling his inner Randy Orton, Adam “Gorg-o-Metry” Gorgas made his return to competitive hoops ‘Outta Nowhere’ after a 13 year layoff and suited up for reigning league champs Big Fun. Showing no signs of rust, Gorgas was quick to remind the league of his threat from beyond the arc as he was splish splash taking a bath throughout the evening. After a 29-19 victory over TTT, Big Fun owns sole possession of second place at 5-1 and officially welcomes Gorgas to the NWO Wolfpac.

Hog Balls got the W over Herbie V and jumped 2 places in the standings. With an impressive defensive showing, Team Captain Doug “Fresher Than Most, Even Doug E. Fresh” Hogue has the Hog Balls in place to make a run at the league title.

Paging Dom Joseph.

A big shout out goes out to our league sponsors: Nalco, Chrissi’s Cleaning Service, Mac’s Motorcycles, Ace Auto Service, Christy’s Restaurant, Cusick & DeCaro, P.C. and McElwain Bros. Paint and Collision Center. These businesses all need a Speed Stick as they all reek of awesomeness.

League player, Jason Balla, has setup a Yahoo Bracket Challenge for league players, friends and family to participate to raise funds for the league.

Group ID: 89275
Password: wolverines

$10 per bracket. Winner take all, except for 15% that will be kept for the league fund.

Ellwood City Adult Basketball League Results for 3/5/2017

It was a battle of the unbeaten in the Ellwood City Adult Basketball League Sunday evening as Big Fun and Turncoats headlined the main event at the Family Center. Big Fun; the defending League Champions, rolled into the night’s action at 3-0 rocking the NWO Wolfpac black and red colors. Fresh off a Texas Turncoat, Team Captain Pat O’Brien had the Turncoats looking ready to play, also walking in the door at 3-0 and with some smooth looking orange gear.
It was a close, back and forth game the whole way through that proved any game during the 18 game season can go any which way. The Turncoats pulled out the victory late to secure sole possession of first place in the Ellwood City
Basketball League, improving to 5-0. Team Orange also had another victory on the evening over Herbie V. Big Fun falls to second place at 4-1 with Sonny “Head Chef” Riccio, Downtown Davey Moore, Anthony “Ov-A-Docious” Ovial and the supporting cast all looking strong. Kish Money was inactive as he was participating on the Price is Right.

Elsewhere in league play, the young gunners with legs and lungs known as the Blazers had a 1-1 evening. Team Purple had a nice offensive showing topping Up in the Air after a loss to Big Fun. Blazers, along with Hog Balls and BDI, all now share a 3-2 record. Third place for the season goes to the Blazers due to having the most points out of the three teams for the season. Hats off to the (non BVM) Blazers for putting up an evening high 45 points.

Some may have caught a whiff of the late 90’s and early 2000’s Ellwood City Basketball scene with Chase McKim sinking 3 balls all night, Mikey Moore zigging and zagging, Anthony Ovial heaving one up at the buzzer like Steel Valley, Dave “Ogre” McQuistion in action and ZTP living up to his contract. All that was missing was Al Campman and a clip board.

Will Allen Deep be joining the fray? We’ll find out soon. Until then, too sweet your neighbor and enjoy the fresh air.